Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
