While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
