Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
