Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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