i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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