What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
