just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
