in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
