What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
