Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
