so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
