He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
