My hand turned me down
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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