Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
