is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
