My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
