I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
