then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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