Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
