i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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