Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
