she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
