Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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