somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
