What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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