When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
