In the future we'll all be gay
im six kinds of drunk right now
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
