i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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