Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
