meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
