does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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