I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
