Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
