I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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