No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
