Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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