watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
