So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
the liver wants what the liver wants
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
