Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
that's an acceptable place to lick
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
