butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
