theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
is wine microwaveable?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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