My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
