oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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