Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
