The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
