I wish my penis had an off switch
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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