im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
