I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
