This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
