I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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