Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
