I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
a search helicopter?!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
